Today? Today I'd like an Apple Caramel Martini!

Why? Because I feel like one! Over the last several weeks, my world has been so dark, that no matter how much light was shining, my vision would not catch it. Tears ran dry and my hope was hopeless.

But I'm done for the day. I don't want to be that dark ever again.

So today, I will endulge in a sweet apple caramel martini and enjoy a nice menthol cigarette on my balcony, pushing my hope in to the universe that has deserted me. I will feel the rush of great things coming and I will enjoy the moments it presents.

On the street car yesterday afternoon, my friend tells me, put out a good energy into the universe, it will come back to you in a positive way. Bullshit, I said, the universe hates me right now. I pushed out there that I would not struggle financially to pay my mortgage and that I would be not be laid off. Well fuck me sideways, what happened? I got laid off and have struggled to pay my mortgage! What communication is that from this wonderful universe you boast about my dear friend?

She laughed, then shrugged, I was right. I beleive there is only a small fraction of the positivity you put out there in this so called universe that comes back to you. The rest is for you to work hard to get what you want and for God/the diety/whatever you believe in, to open some doors along the way.

I believe in fate and the diety. I work my ass off and if they don't want me to have something, I won't get it. Bottom line. Is how it works in my world.

till next time!